Wild Child has started a new trend this week. She likes to sleep late, wake up extremely grouchy (seroiusly, bites my head off if I even smile at her), and then twiddles her thumbs getting ready. Drives me bonkers, but at four, I need to let her..um...be herself? Drive me nuts? No clue. Anyways, I always think that since he has child drop-off duty, I can sleep in a little later. Meaning, I don't have to get up at 5:45 to get myself ready and drink a cup of coffee in silence prior to getting the troops ready and out the door. It backfires, of course it backfires. Silly Mommy, so deluded in her need for a half hour of extra sleep.
Herr Hubby meant well, he let me sleep even later...until 7:35...when he needed to be out the door with a four year old, who makes the crabby Hallmark woman look positively Pollyanna-ish, within..oh..seven to ten minutes. Tops. Wild Child is not dressed, has not brushed her teeth, is screaming (okay, high pitched screeching at a higher volume than usual) for food, and is being absolutely stubborn. I stumble out of bed with massive bedhead, blurry vision, and the need to grab a pair of earplugs and go hide in our pantry until it's safe to go out. Seriously, having an extra room off our kitchen that locks and has a stash of chocolate is a must in this household. I digress. So, into action I go. I plead, beg, threaten, and, finally, pull out the big guns. I switch to German. For my kids, this is the sign that the Apocalypse is about to occur. Mommy sounds mean in German, Mommy sounds psychotic in German. It gets results. Wild Child is dressed and up the stairs to brush teeth.
Satisfied, I start making my coffee when Girly Girl informs me (with lots of attitude and no gratitude) that her purple sweater for her purple shirt is not in her closet and she absolutely cannot get dressed without it. Sigh. I am thiiiiiiiis close to banging my head on the counter, but keep calm, mentally count to ten, and trudge upstairs to show her it IS in her closet...on the floor of her closet...where she threw it when I told her to hang it up. Wild Child is done brushing her teeth. "Food? I'm sooooo hungry Mommy. My tummy is gone, see? " Shows me a perfectly rounded pre-schooler tummy but has a face that could make even the hardest critics pause for tear wiping, and continues on. Okay, race is on. Toast made, yogurt ready, and I am literally chomping at the bit to get this child fed and into the riduculous amount of winter clothing Herr Hubby deems necessary for the short trip from doorstep to car...ten steps away.
She eats, I get her in her gear, therefore making her resemble a purple Stay-Puff Marshmellow Man and am greeted by Herr Hubby returning from the walk with the dog. Score! Out the door they go. Now, me, no coffee, hair still looking like birds will start nesting in it, teeth that could knock a horse out, and pajamas..with glasses. SEXY! Girly Girl is dressed, fed, ready to go. OH SHIT. Clock shows I need to leave..two minutes ago. Sigh...will I EVER get my first cup of coffee?
Mad run to throw on jeans (which smell like the horse stables we visited yesterday), baggy sweatshirt, hair in messy ponytail, quick brushing of teeth, and get shoes on. Pooch comes up, wagging her tail, waiting...waiting...waiting. What? Walk? You JUST got back. Waiting, wagging, small whine. Sigh..okay..saddle up, Tonto, you are coming along. Our dog is ten years old and is the sweetest thing on the face of the planet, which is why I spoil her. We adopted her before moving to Germany. She had been terribly abused and needed lots of love and patience. Now she's comfortable in her own skin and has her humans tied around her little paw. Little is a relative term, she weighs 70 pounds.
A word on German woman. They don't "do" ponytail and sweats. Ever. Unless on their way to the gym. I live in a small village where I am
- The only foreigner
- The youngest mom at the stop
- A bit of a spaz first thing in the morning when my German is warming up.
I normally try to get dressed with makeup and what not. Not happening today. I knew, KNEW, I would get the stink-eye for my college chick apparel but could not muster up the courage to even give a damn. I HAD NOT EVEN HAD MY FIRST FRIGGIN CUP OF COFFEE. Of course Arch Enemy Deutsche Frau gave me a dirty look and a smug smile as I approached with Girly Girl, Pooch, and my frazzled appearance. Took every inch of self control not to smack her (I am not prone to violence but this woman and Greenie bring it out in me..well..mentally, at least.) Girly Girl was happy to have Pooch and I with her on an early morning walk, normally I drop her off on the way back from dropping off Wild Child to Kindergarten. Hugged, kissed, wished a good day (all in English, I refuse to speak German to my kids unless my head is about to start performing Exorcist stunts caused by frustration) and continued on with Pooch. Pooch is now on her second walk within an hour and wants to take her sweeeet time, sniffing every blade of grass.
At first, I was annoyed, I have to admit. I am a pure Grade-A caffeine junkie and was jonesing for my first cup of vanilla flavoured brew. As we plodded along, however, I thought over the morning. It really wasn't so bad. Plus, hey, this walking thing is kind of nice. Except, you know, for the fact I was freezing my butt off.
Now, here I am, on my second cup of coffee, in a silent house, with Pooch snoring lightly in her bed on the floor beside my chair. I tamed all of my wild beasts this morning with my hair and sanity intact. And, joy of joys, I get to repeat a slightly different version tomorrow. Thank GOD I love my kids ;)
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