Self-Affirmation for the Less Self-Involved

Life often deals you curve balls, phases that have one thing coming after another that leave you breathless in a sea of worry, trying to find your way to shore.  Where I grew up, it was always said that rough times were a way of God testing you, to help you reaffirm His love for you.  Though I am a long way from the Bible Belt and home of the Southern Baptists, I still find, most unexpectedly, those roots winding deep within me when I least expect it to be there.

I am having a "testing time" or rough patch.  It happens often for women.  I read in a study that where men will go through one mid-life crisis, a women is usually guaranteed to at least go through three or four. Am I going through a mid-life crisis?  Hardly.  But, I do have several acquaintances who seem to be.  They are all in a group and, over coffee one morning, talked about their self-affirmation disks they play twenty minutes before getting up.  You might ask what a self-affirmation disk is. It's a person on a cd talking in soothing tones about how, "you are a strong person, a beautiful being," and "grasp your inner strength and breathe deeply to remind yourself of your inner power," and things of that nature.  I tried not to laugh and settled for a smirk.  Even on my worst days, I do not need another person, being, or voice, to coax me out of bed to deal with the stresses of life I have created for myself.  I just get up and go, I always have done that.

This morning, however, was a self-affirmation of its own, a self-affirmation for the less self-involved, if you will.  It is Picture Day at Wild Child's Kindergarten and she was overjoyed to be allowed to get gussied up (I love southern expressions, forgive me) and was able to pick out her jewelry to accompany her outfit.  Girly Girl does this on a daily basis, so, really, it was normal for her.  Herr Hubby needed the car to drive to his new company to present himself officially to his new colleagues.  Now, we live in a small village, a dorf, tucked away in the countryside, away from a train stop or normal bus routes.  I knew I would drive Wild Child the two minute drive to her pre-school and then come home to walk with Girly Girl to the bus stop.  Our lovable furball of a dog is healing nicely from an ACL tear and operation and would accompany us. 

Germany in spring is a sight to behold.  After months of dark, cloudy days, little to no sunshine, bare landscapes and cold winds, the golden rays of sunshine we are blessed with along with the beginnings of color cannot help but make spirits soar, even mine on only one cup of coffee and bedhead tamed with a headband.  Here's the tie in to my southern roots.  When I was a little girl, my mom worked as a supervisor in a shirt factory for many years and we lived next door to Gran.  I would get up early, while the sky was still pink and gray, and walk next door to my Gran's house to spend the day there while my parents worked.  Gran, for as long as I can remember, has walked two miles in the mornings.  In the summer, she would walk around the time daylight was becoming stronger and the temperatures were usually cooler.  She did this before breakfast and I would accompany her.  Though spring in Germany is fantastic, there is nothing more magical than walking in a small southern town to the song of birds and the smells of warming honeysuckle, dewed flowers, and magnolia blossoms perfuming the air as you slowly glide past.  For me, these memories are more valuable to me than any amount of money could ever be.

True, my Gran taught me a lot in life, Christian values, self love, and the appreciation for others.  What she might not realize is, she also taught me a way to self-affirm, if you will.  To slow down and enjoy the snapshot in life God has given you and tuck it away tightly next to your heart to pull out when most needed.  As I walked with Girly Girl this morning, that hard lump of disappointment and frustration slowly started to dissolve as I listened to my oldest daughter name plants she learned in school, as the dog panted with happiness and exertion, and as a beautiful Friday morning starting wrapping me in its embrace.  I thought back to all those summer mornings and literally felt the blanket of dis-ease fall from me and I slowed my pace to enjoy.  For, you see, I don't need someone to tell me life is great, I am strong, I am powerful, I know this already.

One of the things I miss most about raising my children on a different continent from their American roots is the fact they won't be able to experience those slowly warming summer days like I did with my Gran.  She just turned 85 and, though blessed with relatively good health, she cannot last forever.  I aspire to take my children back home one summer and let them form these memories to tuck away for the future when they need them most.  As parents, you have to learn how to be happy with yourself before you can teach your little, impressionable children that life can be hard, it can be disappointing, but, with the right tools, you can make it through any situation with your pride, dignity, and self-worth still intact.  Not all of us are blessed with a Gran, I will always be thankful to the Lord for giving me such a loving, sweet, caring person in my life.  As I sit here with my home smelling of coffee, the sound of birds communicating and my dog snoring all around me, I feel at peace and know that no one can tell me how I am as a person, I have to self-affirm for myself.  May you also find your own self-affirmations within you.  Never let anyone else tell you who you are, for only you can fix yourself.